pray

[Sabeine]

Hello.

I got a phone call about an hour ago. My mom was found unconscious on the floor (again) and there was blood coming out of her ear.

She was rushed by ambulance to the nearest hospital and cat scans revealed that she was badly hemorraging from her brain. Her friend called me and told me this, and that she was undergoing surgery as we spoke. Her friend was going to call me tomorrow to see how all went, however the surgeons seemed to think that even if she lives, she will now be blind.

I am trying to arrange a ticket to go to San Diego right now. I will most likely be leaving at the beginning of next week. I used to be rather religious but fell away from it over the years. I still pray, but am not a part of organized church anymore. If anyone here does pray, could you add my mom in your thoughts? She really needs good thoughts being sent out for her right now. I don't know if she will make it or not.

[Carolyn]

Oh sweetie, you know that I will be sending all the incredible positiveness I can out to both you and your mom. What a shock! Let me know if there's any way I can help you here.

[Sabeine]

Thank you Carolyn.

I am so very sad right now. I am here and she is there. Her friend told me that she was very incoherent, but she did manage to squeak out, "where is Anna?". I feel like utter shit sitting here in Sweden. I have been looking online at tickets and since I need to leave so soon the prices are steep. Between $1000-1300. I cannot afford this especially since I just started school this past Wed, but even if I have to sell things I will get there! I am in tears right now, the troubles with my mom just seem to get worse and worse.

I called my sister. She and I are not that close, even if she is my twin. We have had a lot of differences since my parents got a divorce, and have not had much contact for the past 4 years. I didn't know what to expect at all when I called her. Most of the time even if she is home she lets the machine pick up the call, and does not answer. This time I started to leave a message and then she answered. I told her the situation and she said, "I will give you the money, I don't care what it costs." I told her the prices and she said, "so what. You can have the money, this is not a loan, I will buy your ticket". I starting bawling so hard I nearly choked. I could never have afforded to buy a ticket at $1000-1300, especially after buying Xmas presents, and now being in school with a small student loan to live on.

I am still waiting for my mom's friend to call me early tomorrow morning. Depending on the situation I will then make the decision if I need to go immediately or possibly wait to the week after, when the rates are a bit cheaper. Either way, I feel I need to go. If the situation was reversed I sure would want my family there, regardless of the problems we may have had in the past.

[Carolyn]

Well, Anna, I know you can't ignore the guilt feelings, even if I tell you to, but you have nothing to feel guilty for. It's the nature of parents and children that the children will grow and leave and begin new lives with a mate, which is just what you have done. The Bible says to honor your parents, not become slaves to them from guilt. It doesn't even say we have to love them, as long as we show them honor for giving us life. That means not bad-mouthing them, not cutting them out of our lives and giving them respect, for the role of life-giver, if not for other things they have done in their life.

I think your sister has done a lovely thing, and I'm sure had the roles been reversed, you would have done the same thing too.

Keep us informed of your mom's progress and your movements. You have my phone number here if you need it. Just don't sit around and immolate yourself out of guilt and feelings of inadequacy when all you have done is to try to live your life the best you can. Actions done from guilt are not necessarily good dharma anyway, since you would not be making the offering from the openness of your spirit, but from feelings laid on you by false expectations of others. In the long run, doing things because it's expected or out of guilt can make you bitter.

Love you, girlfriend, hang in there.

[Brandy]

Anna,

My heart and thoughts are with you. I think this is something we all fear, living so far away makes it so much more complicated, and now you are faced with it. Your sister, despite your differences made that offer, don't think about the money.

You can't do that much whether you are here or there, but being there, of course, helps everyone deal with it better. You draw support from each other, despite differences.

As Carolyn says, there is nothing to feel guilty for because you are not there in person. You are there in spirit. Even if you were in San Fransisco, you wouldn't be able to be there immediately.

You are with your Mom and family in your heart and they know how much you want to be there, too.

Good Luck!

[Natooke]

Anna,

My thoughts are with you and your family. If there is anything I can help with I'm here too
Hugs Natooke.

[Kitty Sue]

My thoughts and prayers are focused on you and quick recovery for your mom. *hugs*

[Sabeine]

Thank you for the well wishing.

My mom came out of surgery alive. The condition of her brain is still not known though. She is heavily sedated and listed in critical condition.

The most worriesome part was that there was not only hemorraging but there was two small clots that had begun to form around the brain. A surgeon I got to speak with said that indicated to him she had laid on the floor for some time with this going on. That worried him (and me) because usually after something like that happens permanent damage is inevitable.

I don't even know what to do right now. I am shaking like a leaf. It isn't possible for my to throw up any more, there's nothing left in my stomach. I just have to say that you really don't know what or who you have until they're (almost) gone.

I am still trying to arrange a plane ticket. The prices aren't even close to being reasonable. I don't know how long I will gone for. My mom lives alone, so some arrangements will have to be made.

I just started school this past week, and took out a loan to help with the bills. I still work a little extra at my job. I don't know if I'll have to quit school because if I miss too much I won't be able to catch up. I think I'll have to quit though. I also don't know how to tell my work that I could be gone for as little as a week, or it could be up to many months. Not too mention, how am I supposed to afford any of this? I would still have to pay the bills and rent here in Sweden, even if I was in the States. Anders cannot afford to pay everything on his own. And where will I get that money from?

I'm going to try to call the hospital again today, though I don't think there has been a change in her condition. I also am going to talk to my sister and iron out some details. My mom's brother (here in Sweden) is going to San Diego on Tues, and my sister is also probably arriving on Tues. Does anyone know if airlines give discounts for family emergencies? I heard somewhere years ago that some airlines will do this, but I think it might have been for a death in the family. Does anyone know, or know somewhere that I could find this out?

I am scared right now. I have this creeping feeling that my mom will be in a vegetable like state from now on. I asked the doctor what he thought, and my heart nearly stopped when he said, "that's a possibility".

[Linda]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Anna. Years ago I went through something similar with my Mom and I was only an hour away by car. Believe that no matter the distance, you are with her in spirit and she can feel that.

I know you are going through some incredibly difficult times right now with worries about so many things. The important thing is you have to try to keep yourself healthy and try (I know it's almost impossible) to remain positive.

Just wanted to know that prayers are coming your way. ((hugs))
~Linda~

[Leslie]

Anna, you are in my thoughts. I hope you can find tickets soon. Have you tried ticket.se? They have some good rates right now though I don't know how much of an advanced purchase is required.

Hang in there sweetie!
Les

[Leslie]

I just checked ticket.se and they require a 21 day advanced purchase.

[Leslie]

Anna, I sent you an email, but just in case you see this first... I looked on both travelstart.se and mrjet.se and found tickets leaving as early as next Thursday for 5700 and 4950 respectively. Both are including tax. They are into LA, but if I remember correctly it isn't too terribly far from LA to SD. At any rate that is a lot better than 1000 dollars!

[Sabeine]

My mother who was originally admitted to the hospital for hemoraging in the brain, had a stroke late last night. A golf ball sized clot developed on the left side of her brain, called a hemotoba, and she then had a stroke. The stroke now made it so that she will not be able to move the right side of her body. She also will most likely never speak again.
She is bleeding in her stomach, and due to this she has lots of stress on her kidneys. My sister and I are both going to San Diego and have told the surgeons that if need be I will donate one kidney, my sister the other.

Anders and I are leaving on Thursday morning. We could not find anything before that for under $1000 a ticket. We are flying British Airways via London, then on to San Diego. I just hope my mom can hang in there until Thursday. I am so scared that she won't. I keep playing in my head that only time she managed to come to, she asked for me. I will never be able to live with myself if I cannot make it there in time.

Anders can only be there for a week since he could not take more time off from work. I am supposed to be there for 2 weeks, but I bought a flexible ticket that I can change if I need to. I most likely will be there for 3-4 weeks. We bought the tickets just before I had a second conversation with one of the surgeons who operated on my mom. He said that he thinks she will still be hospitalized in 2 weeks, so right now I am saying that I will be there indefinitely.

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts you guys have written. You all are wonderful people. I know there isn't anything one can say or do right now to make me feel better, but just letting me know that you're thinking about my mom, and wishing her well means the world to me. She needs lots of prayers now.

[Pam]

I'm sorry your mom is so ill, Anna. And I'm glad you're getting to go home to be with her. What ever happens we're all sending good thoughts and prayers her way and yours. There is no one better qualified to help you with all of this than your sister. I hope you two can put your differences behind you and help each other do what's best for your mom. Till Thursday keep hoping for the best for her and take care of yourself.

[Beverly]

I'm so sorry your mom is going through this, Anna, and that you're having to deal with it from so far away. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Beverly