Advice

[Carrie]

Ok, this has absolutely nothing at all to do with Sweden, but I need some advice from some wise people. Of course, when I thought of wise people I automatically thought of you guys.

I just got sent a batch of pictures from a friend and I am scared for her. She looks totally anorexic. She's always been thing, but the last time I saw her she was very lithe and willowy, which was rather new for her. We e-mail quite a bit and she has mentioned that she works out four hours a day. She also complains that she can't fit into any adult clothing. Even size zero is too big for her. As a fat chick I get disgusted by this and don't really say much other than snide remarks about how it must be nice. I hate it when skinny people complain about their flab.

Now that I've seen the pictures I'm really concerned. She is nothing but skin and bones. You know how anorexic people get that big toothy look? She has that. She's currently studying abroad, so she isn't around her family or her friends. I feel like I should express my concern for her but have no idea how to go about it. Have any of you dealt with something like this before? Is it even my place to say anything? Is there a tactful way to tell someone they look anorexic?

Any advice is appreciated. I just feel sick after looking at the pictures. Someone has to step in and do something. I don't even know what kind of advice to give. I'm used to giving out dieting advice for plump folks (like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to that )

Carrie

[Sabeine]

I'm not sure how one should handle this.

You might try asking her if she has lost some more weight. See what she gives you for an answer. She may admit that she has been stressed lately, and therefore not eating properly etc... then you could start up a conversation about that.

I have a friend of mine who happens to be a guy that had anorexia. It is not common for men to have this, but he did. I saw him in person after not seeing him for so long. He looked truly thin, and pale. I asked him what he was doing differently to have lost so much weight, and he admitted that since his father had past away the year before, he had all kinds of problems. He admitted his dealing or rather not dealing with food. He later did get help.

[Carolyn]

I agree with Sabeine, it's hard to know how to approach this, since she's not around friends and family and like alcoholism and drug addiction, people with eating disorders don't see the same reality we do. She may look in the mirror and see a huge blob, when the reality is she's sickly and way too thin. So even trying to discuss this with someone, especially at a distance, is going to be very difficult.

I sure hope you can find some help for her and that it turns out okay.

[Debbie]

Do you want me to ask the school nurse if she is in tomorrow? She has had experience dealing with people with anorexia. There seems to be a number of girls in our gymnasium suffering with this dreadful disease.

[Carrie]

Debbie, that would be great!

Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm still trying to frame a way to ask her about it and not coming up with anything all that great. I know she has been excercising like crazy. She readily admits that she works out 4 hours a day and she sees nothing wrong with it. She's always looked very healthy and muscular to me, but these pictures just show a skeleton of a girl I barely recognize. I guess there is nothing I can actually do, but I just feel like I should say something because I care a lot about her and hate to see this going on. I've seen anorexics before when I was teaching but I never really had to deal with them on that level since they had other people dealing with that problem. I just really worry since I know this can be a deadly disease.

Carrie