Hmmm, Gotta Wonder

[Carolyn]

I was reading Amerikanska earlier and there's a thread about what people are homesick for. I found it very interesting that for the majority of posters, perhaps 75% of what they missed had to do with either food or shopping. Kind of says something about the American culture, don't you think?

Last trip back in 2001, I went crazy and while I was here those 18 months, I gained nearly 15 kilos with my "memories". This time, I found that I'm not really that keen on the eating part anymore (probably thinking about the 11 kilos I still need to lose from the last time).

But what's also interesting is the statistics that over 60% of all Americans are now considered obese (more than 30 pounds over your ideal weight) and the fact that there are some class action lawsuits against places like McDonald's, for god's sake, for allowing people to get fat. Isn't there something totally bizarre about that?

Maybe it's me looking at things from an older perspective (53 on Saturday, ya know), but somehow, shopping and eating special stuff doesn't seem all that important when you stack it up against real life.

I think this time around (less than 10 weeks to go), I'm going to by-pass the Arby's beef and cheddar and Dunkin Donuts and stuff like that, so I don't add on another 4 kilos to worry about later.

[Sabeine]

Although I also miss certain things, the majority of it is not food. I mainly miss family members, familiarity, and services.

I was also (like you Carolyn) just reading Amerikanska a few minutes ago. I have gone there now 3 times in 1 year to lurk. At no offense to posters on this site that also post there, I feel that many people on that site are setting themselves up for disappointment in the future. They seem to feel that with more complaining the system will change here. Is that how it worked in North America, or the UK? I don't remember that things changed so fast in the US. Voicing ones frustration is fine, making across the board generalizations is not. It is hard to move to a new country. All the new things, new language, culture, food, shopping experiences, clothing sizes, public transportation etc is sometimes overwhelming. But how is that Sweden's fault? That is me/you/us as individuals learning to cope with a very different reality. There's nothing wrong with that. We all had this to some degree or another. Most often with time you feel more comfortable with these changes, it takes time though. I sure can understand frustration of feeling alone in this, that's what message boards like these are great for but I still get ticked when I read some of the Amerikanska posts making it seem like Sweden is a cestpool or something. It is not only insulting to Sweden and Swedes, but it is insulting to all us immigrants who worked hard to get here, and are trying to make it.

[Pam]

I was lucky enough to catch Dr. Phil's take on those folks who have sued fast food joints. He asked them right out, "Did someone hold a gun to your head and force you to turn your car into McDonalds?" I think one major problem with the American system is that these things are taken seriously enough to tie up court time and tax payers money.

[Carolyn]

What it all boils down to, as far as I am concerned, is the current societal dread of taking any responsibility for yourself. Nobody anymore wants to say, "Gee, that sure was stupid of me, I shouldn't have done that." Instead, you have to put the blame on somebody else. I was reading a book recently that tied women's problems with weight control to their relationships with their mothers. Get real, folks.

It's all part of a feel good about yourself society. Maybe in Sweden, there is a problem in the other direction, where there's too little praise for accomplishment, but on the other hand, in America, it's way TOO important to feel good about yourself. All these ideas of validation and self-esteem have gone berserk.

Okay, who do I get to blame for the fact that I'm 53 and growing older? That I haven't been careful about my eating habits for 20 years and now I have a flabby belly that makes me sick every time I look in the mirror? My roots are grey, do you suppose I should sue my parents for passing on a grey hair gene? My eyes went bad when I was 10 due to a bad case of scarlet fever and I've had to wear glasses ever since. Who can I blame for that?

Weird times breed weird folks, Iguess.

[Linda]

I too thought it was strange in the "homesick for the USA" Kanska thread that family or friends were way down on people's lists (if mentioned at all), and that it was food (or some brand name item) that was topping the list. When I was there the main thing I missed was my son, but we still had email and the phone. And granted, I wasn't there for years at a time--only months at a time--so am not in the same boat as most of the people who have relocated permanently. Not that I wouldn't like to...but that's another story.

Maybe it was my age (I'm one of the older members) or maybe it was because I was brought up in an oh-so-very Swedish family/culture here in the USA that I didn't miss food products or other things, I knew the customs--and it felt very comfortable. In fact it was like "coming home".

And as for my newly acquired ugly "roll around the middle and butt weight gain" YUCK! When I recently tried on dresses for my son's upcoming wedding I just didn't buy a thing. And I WILL notl not for another month or so, until I get this body under control. *lol* I guess I could blame it on stress/depression, the big M (as in Menopause) starting, my Mom's genes...but mores the likely it has been my lack of exercise this past nasty winter. Really, I actually I can't blame it on anyone or anything except not taking care of myself for the last year. Can't sue McDonalds or Burger King or Arbys, etc., etc. don't eat there.

So, now I'm walking 3.5 miles a day on average, doing some light exercise at night (when I'm not too exhausted) and trying to eat smarter. Being deathly allergic to chocolate helps on the sugar intake, but I do love coca cola (my caffeine) and that's my downfall.

Just my musings
Hang in there and take care everyone.

[Carolyn]

I was watching a bit of Dr. Phil today, and it was concerning college girls, going off on spring break, drinking and doing some incredibly stupid things.

This 20 year old, attractive, apparently an excellent student, went to this place for something called "Girls Going Wild", belted down about 5 shots (free entry and free booze to girls, of course) and ended up being filmed, not only flashing her breasts, but apparently, everything else as well, her parents ended up seeing it on video about 2 months later, shattering her relationship with her dad especially, and she was distraught. Instead of taking responsibility, tho, for what went on, she was presenting herself as a victim of exploitation, etc. Bless Dr. Phil, he called her on that.

But it's the same old story and one really gets very tired of it. YOu have free will, you make choices, some of them are going to be good, some okay, and hopefully only a few are going to be incredibly stupid, but you need to take responsibility for the choices. Okay, her mind may have been clouded with alcohol, but again, there's a choice, slam down free shots, get drunk, do stupid things, or don't.

That's kind of what life is about anyway, isn't it? Free will to make choices and take the consequences. And once you've made the choice, get on with it. That's why I get so frustrated about people who, 3 years after their move, are STILL having serious longings for something as relatively unimportant as MOuntain Dew or a jelly doughnut. Haven't you found ANYTHING you like as well, only in a different way?

[Leslie]

Carolyn said:

That's why I get so frustrated about people who, 3 years after their move, are STILL having serious longings for something as relatively unimportant as MOuntain Dew or a jelly doughnut. Haven't you found ANYTHING you like as well, only in a different way?

I should probably stay out of this, but I don't do many things I should.

I was one of those that posted on that thread. Yes, after 3 years I still get donut cravings so bad I could rip the toilet seat off and eat that. Yes, there are things I have found here that I like equally well but that isn't what the thread was about. It asked what you missed from the States.

The first thing on my list was my family. They have always been and will always be what I miss the most. Next was the weather and doing activities I like --swimming. Then there was food. Yes, I will admit I LOVE food! That is why I am so pleasantly plump! Okay, call a spade a spade....I'm FAT!

I have found foods I like here. I have bloomed as a cook because necessity is the mother of invention, eh? (yeah, I paid attention to school house rock! ;D) But does that make me someone who can't live with my decisions? Missing food from home (yes, it will always be home for me, just as Sweden will always be home as well) is an expected reaction. Doesn't mean you are a candidate for Dr. Phil! LOL!

If I were to move back to the States I would have serious longings for many things here in Sweden. I know there are people that are content to live in Sweden the rest of their lives, and there are people content to live in the States for the rest of their lives, but I have the unfortunate luck to have strong feelings for both countries and will forever be torn between the two.

Hmm...this ended up being more than I had planned to say. Maybe I do need to go see Dr. Phil! LOL!!

[Debbie]

For once in my life I am keeping my mouth shut.

[Linda]

I humbly and sincerely apologize for being such a generalist in my post above, and not recognizing your posting Leslie (regarding missing your family as #1). I am sorry.

Just for the record, there are times when I too seriously crave (and then have) a jelly donut (we call them Bismarcks here), a hunk of cheese cake, carrot cake, etc--or just about anything sweet that doesn't have chocolate in it

As for Dr. Phil--ducking my head here--I'm not a fan.

okay, going to work now and being very quiet

[Leslie]

Thanks Linda! ;D I didn't mean to offend anyone either. I was just feeling attacked all of a sudden. It just feels sometimes (here on PS) that if a person is 100% supportive of all things Swedish then there is something wrong with them.

God knows I have come along way from where I was. I came to Sweden as a Pollyanna expecting it to be some sort of Utopia. I was naive and except for a previous 5 month stint in Sweden had never lived out of the US. For awhile I hated Sweden and everything about it. I wasn't like a lot of people who came to be with their SOs and had that to live for, or came from a bad life in the States. I already had my sweetie. So I didn't feel my life was better here than it was there. It took a lot of hard work to pull myself out of where I was.

Today I love Sweden. I can't say I love everything about it, but I do know if I were to move back to the States I would be just as homesick for Sweden as I am for the States some times. My ultimate dream is to win the lottery and spend part of the time here, part of the time in the States and the other part seeing the rest of the world.

I have my days....good ones, bad ones, incoherent ones! LOL! Some days I curse Sweden, like these past few days when we have had only 50s for days in a row! Argh! But a few days before I was in Stockholm and was in love with the world. I felt like doing the whole Sound of Music "Hills are Alive" thing! HAHA!!

Again, I get off the subject and make no sense....

Sorry

[Panda]

I understand missing certain foods and brands. They are part of the culture we grew up with as Americans. I also understand Leslie when she says that both the US and Sweden are home to her.

What I have noticed though on the Amerikanska boards is that some Americans seem to view Sweden as being "behind" the US in terms of products and services offered to the buying public. I don't view Sweden as behind the US, just different, and not in a bad way. No, Sweden does not have a Walmart and no I can't find most American brands there, but that is why I like Sweden! I like going to the grocery store and not having 500 varieties of cereal to choose from. I like the unhurried lifestyle Sweden offers. I like that Swedes can make a choice from a much smaller selection, and be happy with it. American stores have too many choices, but are still coming out with more. After all, how many different kinds of ketchup do we really need? KWIM?

Some of the posters on Amerikanska give me the impression that they expect Sweden to become a "mini USA." I don't want that to happen!! I understand in some ways why they expect this. That is the way they were raised -- American ways/products/services are the best in the world and of course all others should strive to be like the US. When you have grown up under that attitude, it can be hard to shake. Also, having a wide variety of choices and then going to a much more limited selection can be daunting for some people. They like knowing they have 50 different kinds of shampoo to choose from even though they may always buy the same brand. The other 49 are like a safety net.

Just my 2 cents! Thanks for letting me share my opinion!

Sheri

[Carolyn]

Well, heaven knows, I didn't mean to make you feel attacked, Les. We've been friends way too long for you to even imagine I would aim anything like that at you. And the first thing on your list was family and I think you only mentioned one or two food items. But a LONG list that appeared a few postings after you, good god, between food and fast cars, I was kind of amazed.

And if we're getting onto gripes about Sweden, I could mention one of my MAJOR ones, which is if you're over 40, you might as well just kiss any kind of meaningful employment off if you're going to be looking for a job. Age discrimination is rampant there, and I've seen it first-hand. Now that being said, I know that both debbie and Bonnie here are just a tad past 40 and both are working at very good jobs.

I did find it interesting, though, that for soooooo many people, the majority of the greatest longings seemed to be so food connected. If I had to say what I DO miss about the States, at least my corner of it, it would be the huge night skies with trillions of stars visible. Driving long distances like a bat out of hell, and not even seeing another car. And being able to find myself a nice little mixed breed mutt for about 500 SEK, instead of the 3000+ it will cost in Sweden (of course, there's the flip side of THAT too, with the huge abandoned animal population in the US).

[Pam]

LOL
Show of hands.....how many of us have lost great amounts of weight living in Sweden withOUT the many fast food joints?
Keeping my hands both firmly on the keyboard....
And hey, tread lightly on the Dr. Phil issue. He's my hero!

[Sabeine]

I'd have to add to what Carolyn said about offending people. I sure didn't mean to single out anyone on this site. Although we have over 100 members, there are about 10 of us that post regularly. I do not consider any of you complainers, in fact I think the opposite. We have a great group here that supports each other, and does so positively, and with a willingness to understand. After I re-read my post I realized that it didn't have much to do with Carolyn's post. Mine was more going off on a tangent about negativity, hers was more about food. I should have started another thread. It was just when she wrote about Amerikanska it triggered a reaction to a recent lurk on that site. I like the site for what it sets out to do and has done. It gives many resources for people that have moved or are moving to Sweden. I know that everyone needs to vent sometimes, and that many days here can be beyond frustrating. I also don't want to make it sound like someone doesn't have the right to scream, "this sucks!" every once in awhile. I've done it too. I'm going through a very hard time at work, with a boss I loathe. For me to switch to a new job right now is not so easy, so I have to ride this wave out, and wait and see. Every night coming home is a lesson in trying to be positive. What I have trouble with is that some of the (cronically) less happy members of that site seem to try and speak for others. Many Swedes read that site, and it's sad to say quite a few of them will get the wrong impression of Americans/Canadians/Brits based on some very bashing posts. It's that,.. that bothers me.

[Leslie]

Public apology to all for my paranoia! I know we can blame it on my hormones!! Group hug! ;D