depression

[Sabeine]

I know this subject has been covered before on this site, though usually this has been tied into seasonal depression.

I feel at times as if I might be depressed. I have trouble with this since I feel that in my heart that depression is an ugly word with so many conotations. I don't understand people who wallow in sorrow or people who want sympathy. When I hear someone being depressed I often wonder what they are doing to contribute to it. So now I am clear about myself. I am not sure if I have fallen into this category but I find that I am unusually sluggish, unmotivated and often quite sad. I have sought counseling and was given medication and some therapy. I took the medication for a little over two months and then discontinued because I felt like it was an easy way out. I also felt it was prescribed too soon upon my first visit. I was given two prescriptions for anxiety and depression from Karolinska Sjukhus here in Stockholm after an hour visit. I felt relieved at the time but after a few days I began to think that the doctor may have jumped the gun a bit. The in office therapy face to face therapy was not often, but my medication was to be taken daily. I felt that the real root of my problem was not so easily masked with medication. Maybe it was dumb to stop my medication but I did after two or so months.

Does anyone have advice for me? I thought it might have been seasonal depression but it cannot be this since we have a light box that I used daily and I still felt this way, even while I was in CA in Feb.

Is it normal to not recognize depression? I had thought that I knew where this depression had come from, but now I am not so sure. In this past year a few family events happened that have altered my life. My mom had a stroke of which she has not recovered, my young cousin died in a hangliding accident, my aunt died of a brain tumor. The first two were total accidents, the last was announced and 5 weeks later she died peacefully. I had chalked up my "feeling blue" to these events though now I wonder. I have found that I have begun to have social phobia and I avoid going out alone in public at all costs. If I have to I go with a friend or my sambo. I never used to be like this. I lived alone for 8 years, had a job I liked, friends, and an active social life. Now I have become reclusive to the point that it is affecting my relationship with my sambo. I have stopped talking with some of my friends here and make excuses for not seeing them. I used to see them often. I don't know what to do anymore.

It is late now, I have school tomorrow and I cannot sleep. I am up and have irrational fears of things that may or may not happen. Has anyone experienced this, or know someone that has? Is there some insight that could be given here?

[Carolyn]

Well, I am still going to write and answer your e-mail (been trying to finish a killer job this week), but as a person that was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Personality Disorder I at 15 (it was called manic depression back then), I can tell you that you don't "just snap out of it" and if left untreated, you can develop more and more problems, such as agoraphobia, anti-social tendencies, etc.

This is NOT a mental problem per se, Sabeine, it's actually an imbalance in brain chemistry and this is controlled with psychotropic drugs such as Zoloft, Paxil and for some (NOT ME) Prozac. With something like this, they can't just draw some blood or take an x-ray or do some physical exam that will say, "Yeppers, that's BPD" After discussion, they can attempt to put you on doses of a drug and see how you react to that. If you react well, good. If it does nothing, then something else needs to be tried.

And if this IS a problem for you, bi-polar, I mean, it doesn't always manifest itself early in life, although that's the most common. Sometimes it takes major, continuing stressors to really set you off.

When I came to Sweden, I had been off the Zoloft for a few years. I had a few small bouts of depression when I first got here, but nothing major. I actually managed reasonably well for nearly 7 years off the drug, but this last winter, too many stressors set me off again and before you know it, in January I was ready to kill myself. Fortunately, my husband recognized I was WAY out there, got me into a doctor pronto (yes, it CAN happen in Sweden), I got a caring physician, who listened to me, got me back on my meds, counseled me and warned Anders to keep an eye on me until the meds could kick in again, since I would still quite possibly be suicidal for several weeks.

There is no shame in depression or in needing medication to control it. It is something that YOU have no control over and can't be expected to have. If the pills you had were helping you, then they were NOT an easy way out, they are something that can help you to a better life. If you still have them, start back on them and go back to the doctor, PLEASE! I know what I'm talking about here.

I'll write more privately tonight. Hang in there.

[Cake Guru]

I've been taking anti-dep for seven years. I'm not ashamed of it, and neither should you be. Sigh.... no one would ever think of telling a diabetic to snap out of it, would they?

You need to do some more research on just what anti-dep medications really do, and why they are prescribed. Quitting after a couple of months was not smart, sometimes it can take more time than that to kick in, and sometimes you need to adjust meds, or switch meds, in order to find the right dosage/type that is right for you.

Good luck and hugs!

[Sandy]

I'm with these gals, if they were helping and you are getting extremely worse when you are not taking them, get back on then, NOW!

Of course, this also stems from a selfish desire to get you here for the BBQ this summer! I like you and want to see you, but that won't happen if you are a recluse.

Sending lots of hugs your way!

[Sabeine]

Thank you for the responses both in posting as well as private messages. Two of you recommended a counselor here who is from the States. I looked into the website links and called the office, he charges 575sek per hour and that is not affordable for me right now. It is very cheap compared to what they would charge in the US but I am a student here and cannot afford this right now. I will look into going through vårdcentral. I had gone to them before and didn't feel that they understood where I was coming from. It was not a good match. I will hope that I can get someone else but I am not sure about that.

I am most likely going to start back on some form of an anti-depressant, though I really don't want to. This time if I start on them, I will continue them for longer than two months.

[Pam]

I was SO shocked when I was first diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I actually remember saying to the doctor, "But I'm not sad! My marriage is fine, my job is fine, my life is fine." It didn't matter. My brain was not producing or utilizing enough serotonin for my body to funtion properly. I was exhausted, breathless, achy and had night sweats. I also suffered from severe anxiety. I could go into Wal-Mart, fill a basket full of the weekly shopping then have to leave it at the check-out because I would have an attack and start shaking too badly to stand in line long enough and pay for it. I'd go to the car and sit there till I was able to drive myself home.
I now have a theory that each of us is able to process a certain amount of stress in our lifetime and that my 'processor' was spent at a young age. I tried several different medications before finding the one that works for me. I also slowly took myself off the drugs after using them for a year. I did this three times and was told that some people are never able to function properly without them. I'm no Sister Mary Sunshine on them but I am myself. I don't have anxiety attacks, my energy level is normal....meaning I still get tired but I know why, I still get sad but don't dissolve into tears if I spill something, I sleep normally and can finish my grocery shopping in one trip. I am in no way ashamed to take the medication I take. I am damned glad to be Pam again.

[Carolyn]

I think most of us are all too willing to put down a need for medication to survive as some kind of failure on our part, but it's not a failure to admit that you need help with something that you cannot control. Especially with seratonin levels. That's like trying to say you can control your diabetes without worrying about insulin, if you just set your mind to it.

And especially for women, we're bombarded with the message that we should be everything to all people, wife/sambo, mother, super athlete, gourmet chef, Martha Stewart at decorating (not finances, I hope), sex goddess in the bedroom, CEO in the boardroom, thin, beautiful and forever young. I'm sorry, but it's just not possible! But striving for that has really pushed a LOT of women over the top, and if you need the chemicals to keep you from hanging yourself in the bathroom (bow tastefully made and tied by Martha), then take the drugs!

[Sabeine]

Do any of you know if I can switch my prescription without seeing a doctor?

I have a three month supply of generic Prozac (fluoxetine) but I had terrible headaches on them which is why I stopped in the first place.

I called today to book an appt at the vårdcentral and the earliest they had was in May. I wanted to switch my anti-depressant to another kind such as Zoloft. Do I need to see the doctor again for this, since it is essentially still an anti-depressant?

[Pam]

Try to catch someone at your doctor's office during phone time. Explain the symptoms you are having and ask if it would be possible to switch medications. Whoever you talk to should speak with the doctor then call you back.
Is your medication tablets or capsules? If it's tablets you could try taking half until you get something else.
I hope you can get it worked out soon!

[Natooke]

Try this number!
vg2-red-publik.nocom.net/info/Article.asp?c=2736


I also have suffered depression here in Sweden. After the birth of our second child & many months after, I developed into an insomniac & a very miserable person. What was thought were “the baby blues” was in fact a hormonal deficiency. Thank goodness my doctor recognized that the depression & insomnia I was experiencing, was a separate issue. She talked to me about issues in my life & after her examination, I was put on anti-depressants.
A week later the blood test confirmed my hormonal deficiency. I later under my doctor’s advice went & talked to a consular. I know now ! that deep dark feeling & would never hesitate to seek help again.
Again my thoughts are with you!

[Sabeine]

Thank you for the number. I am working today, though I will call when I get home. Already I feel anxious about leaving my apt. This is crazy. Once I get to work I'll be fine, it's getting there that makes me feel nervous. It is irrational to feel this way, I know. I didn't realize it had gotten this bad.

At least it's sunny here today, that helps.