Sweden or US

[Carolyn]

I'm just curious where most of you stand on this issue, which is your permanent home?

I know obviously Lady Duff is going to be moving to Canada with her husband, and CakeGuru and Natooke and a few others are pretty well established in Sweden with no plans to move back to the States, but what about YOU? Do you regard your time in Sweden as a holding period? Has it become home for you? If you're going back, why? Do you look at that as THE permanent move? I'm wondering how this attitude, whichever way, affects your over-all happiness in Sweden right now? Are you just holding on, saying "Oh lord, just one more year and THEN I'll be home"?

Me, this last year in the States, even with my dear husband by my side, has let me know that I prefer my life in Sweden, with all of the attendant problems of language and lack of work. And god forbid, I should find myself one day out of this marriage, for whatever reason, I think I would still prefer life in Sweden. But that's a personal preference, of course.

I'm always so curious about people and what makes them reason the way they do, so anybody care to start a discussoin about this? NOT, by the way, a Sweden or US-bashing discussion, but just your reasoning process. After all, we ALL know Sweden doesn't suck THAT bad or it wouldn't have produced our nearest and dearest, now would it?

[Pam]

When I talk about family or Tennessee I say home but when I'm there I call Sweden home. I'll always be a Tennessee girl and there will always be things I miss from there but Sweden is home.
The pace is slower and less hectic. Fall is my favorite time of year in Tennessee and that kind of weather is what we have most of here. I feel closer to nature and the universe around me. I don't really know how to say this but I'm more in tune with myself, the Earth, the stars....and I'm probably healthier.
Those of you who knew me before I moved knew that I never had one doubt about moving here and now I know for certain that I am where I am supposed to be.

[Sabeine]

Although there are things I miss about home, I do like it here. The climate is a huge difference for me, since I'm from California, but I like it anyway. I always did like snow, and a real fall season.
I probably would stay here even if things did not work out with my S.O.
I don't plan on that happening, but it's nice to know that in case of that, I know where my heart is.

[Natasha]

I think we will be in Sweden for a couple of years, and then I want Daniel to give Canada a try for a bit before we decide where we want to be permanently.

I enjoy my life here in Sweden and have done quite well with learning the language and making friends of my own, and it almost feels like home. I think the only thing making it feel not really "homey" for me is the fact that we don't really like our apartment, and has nothing to do with Sweden itself. Our 2 room apartment is getting too small for the three of us, but we can't afford to move into something bigger at the moment, so we feel kind of stuck. I love Sweden and would be happy here, if it was our final decision on where to settle.

I want Daniel to have experienced life in Canada for a few years, just so he can have a better understanding of where I come from etc, and then I think we will be better prepared to make a final decision regarding where we want to stay forever (or at least until Emma and any other kids we have are grown). The biggest thing drawing me to Canada right now is fact that my parents run their own small business that I am doing some work for from here, and I know that my dad wants me to eventually become more involved and begin running things so he can start to look towards retirement. He turns 50 next year, but is already looking forward to slowing down and eventually only wants to play the role of director of the company while other people run the day to day operations. In order for this to work we need to find job opportunities for Daniel as well.

[Marie]

Personally I don't think of living anywhere as being a 'permanent' situation. I'm happy here in Sweden but my heart is in the U.S. Robert does want to experience living in the U.S. at some point but we have no clue when right now. I wouldn't view that as a permanent move though. Things can always change, reasons for living in one place or the other can change. Robert does not have an involved or active family at all and that is difficult for me since I am used to a large, loud and fun-loving family. Our parents are the same ages but his parents are in bed by 8pm, never go out on the town and are very set in their ways. They seem grumpy and old most of the time. My Mom, on the other hand, still takes college courses of various interests, is always hosting or going to different parties, is physically active all day long and still has time to visit and laugh with friends and family. Even Robert was suprised after he met my Mother to find out she was the same age as his own. This to me kind of symbolises the difference between the two countries. I do like my life here, but I definitely feel much more relaxed and unmotivated here than I do in the States.

[Carrie]

I'm really happy with my life here in Sweden, but I don't think I would be happy if I thought I was going to live here forever. Why? Because at this point I am happy playing housewife and have a great excuse--no one will hire me. However, I can't see myself staying home for life. I would feel useless or something. I have plans for when we move back to the US and that makes me content about the current situation.

We've applied for Mike's green card and will move over as soon as he gets it. That could take years from what I hear. We really screwed up and applied for a fiancee visa instead of waiting till we were married and applying. At least I guess we screwed up. I hear it takes a couple of years to do it the way we are doing it and would have taken months the other way.

Personally, I'm not in a big rush. I have a quiet life here, and sometimes I get extremely frustrated with the language barrier and the sense of being an outsider. Some days I get really angry about being treated like a stupid idiot just b/c my Swedish sucks, but overall I don't have many of those experiences.

Last year at this time I would have said that I would move back to the US in a heart beat. Of course, I had only been in SFI for three weeks at this time last year and was hating it. Things are a lot better now. I've passed SFI and can talk (though not always understand) Swedish. Also, good news for today, I just passed by driving test!

I am rambling, aren't I? I guess that's b/c I like it here, but I know we are moving back. Mike is extremely frustrated with his job right now and is ready to make a change, the weather here sucks and always will (talking about Kiruna, not all of Sweden), and I would like to feel like I am contributing something to soceity.

To sum it all up: I'm content here, but would be more content in the US (I think).

[Carrie]

I didn't mention one thing that has been at the back of my mind: kids. Mike and I aren't at all sure if we want to have kids, though I am going off depo this month and starting pills so that the options are more open (I'm going to miss my depo!)

Anyway, if we have kids there is no way in heck I'm staying in Sweden. Mainly b/c I would have no support network here. His family is really nice and all, but I don't think they would be as helpful as my family. Mike was an "oops" baby late in his parents life. His dad is the same age as my grandma (his mom passed away awhile ago). There are already six grandkids in the family, one of whom is closer in age to me than Mike is (only by a couple of months though). At Christmas last year I wanted to sit at the kids table b/c I felt a lot closer to them than to the grownups *l*.

Anyway, my family is dying for a grandbaby (I'm the oldest) and I know my mom and my sister would give me lots of support if we needed it. I know lots of families have kids away from the support of any family, but I imagine it must be incredibly hard. I really want my hypothetical children to spend a lot of time with my mom.

And now it's off to bake some pumpkin pies! I found a recipe last night using butter for the pie crust instead of shortening so I hope it works. Last year I used Milda and I must say I never have made such a yucky crust before in my life. Here's hoping for a light, flaky delight.

Carrie

[LadyDuff]

For us moving to Canada is because I wanted to try living there, very much like Natasha said, my husband and I have decided to give both countries a try. Also, my parents are going to move back to Spain when they retire and then we would be all alone here.

I grew up all alone here, no relatives and that was very boring, I dont want that to happen to my kids too, so we decided to move to Canada, where they at least have Shawn´s family!

[LadyDuff]

Carolyn wrote:

there's really nothng holding me here. I'm not close to 3 of my four siblings. I never had many extremely close friendships here, and the ones I have, they travel to Europe on a regular basis and I AM welcome in their homes, but we didn't live close to each other, kept in touch by internet so no real change to now really.


My comment:


I know this might be slightly off topic as it is more like a vent, but I had to post it here. This is the other reason why we have decided to move away from Sweden in the future. Both Shawn and I have a few friends here, some we have in common, others were primarily mine or his friends.

Well, what I am trying to say is that we have experienced that ever since we got married, we have lost contact with all of these friends. Some of them we have just finished the friendship with for various reasons, but for the most part it is just that we dont really talk that much anymore.

I see many of my girlfriends out around Sollentuna with their other friends, and I dont mind that at all, I just wish they would call me and ask if I want to go too.
It seemed that when we married all my friends decidede that as a married woman I was nolonger interested in having a friendship with them.

Yes, I know I could call them up and so on, I have a few times and I have remembered their birthdays and all that. But, I kind of feel like Im the one who is doing that all the time, I would so like for them to be the ones to say hey let´s call her and see how she`s doing, or drop by my place just to say hi or something like that....

When my birthday came around I thought most of them would come or call or send an email or something to say happy birthday, which only one of them did...

So, even though I know they do like me and consider me a friend, our friendship is based on internet since we chat on MSN or something, but very few times.

These are the girls I know in my home town...

But, I DO have some wonderful friends, who remember my birthday and with whom I talk often on the phone or over emails, I appreciate them a whole lot and they have made my life richer...the sad thing is that we are not in the same town, not even in the same region.....



Due to this ( feeling I dont have friends in my hometown) , moving away wouldnt be that much of a problem for me. I would probably be lost in Edmonton the first year or so, because my sense of orientation is soooo bad, but after a while I would get to know the city and also have new friends.

As we arent quite decided on where to live really we might end up in Ottawa, which would mean I am close to my sisters in law, who are great fun.

We are likely to come back here to visit all the friends we have scattered around Sweden

Well....that`s what I wanted to say I guess