Sometimes I am ashamed

[Sabeine]

There are times when I sneak onto Amerikanska and read the postings on that site. It is for the most part complaints about how Swedes don't kiss most Americans bums, or how things are so different here (what did you expect) or something else. Sometimes I read these postings and I feel ashamed... is this wrong? Maybe. But this is how I feel.

Please let us know you opinions...

[Carolyn]

Are you ashamed for sneaking on and reading, or ashamed at what you are reading?

I still go on occasionally and read myself, and it just makes me really glad that I have moved on. It was such a wonderful website at a time when I needed help figuring out the forms I would need to get my permit and even some opinions about adjustment, but the overall attitude there finally overwhelmed me and generally, I just feel much better for not being a regular anymore.

Maybe that sounds smug, like I'm a winner and they're all losers, and that's not the case at all, but I have faced and am still facing a lot of the same problems some of them are facing (unemployment, language difficulties at times, the social system), just handling it differently.

I think it's good that everybody has a forum where they can find like-minded people. I just think that different forums fill different needs and that's how it should be. For instance, it has been my experience that when you go to a foreign place and then spend most of your time with and socialize mostly with your own nationality, that tends to be the base you draw your long-term friends from and that unfortunately does shut you out, to a greater or lesser extent, from the culture you're living in. This isn't so important if you're a short-timer, just there for a job or your SO's job or whatever, but if you are going to be liviing in that culture for presumably the rest of your life, you are limiting your whole future.

One of the major complaints that I have read over the years is how lonely people are and how Swedes are SO difficult to meet and get to know on a real personal basis. Yes, I agree, you don't meet a whole lot of Swedes at SFI or the lower levels of Komvux, mostly other foreigners (which is another interesting base from which to draw friends, by the way), and you certainly don't tend to get into many chatty conversations at the bus stop that lead to lasting friendships, so yeah, I can see where it's hard to find Swedish friends.

HOWEVER, since I have been here, my closest Swedish friend is probably my SFI teacher, Christina. AND I've found a variety of other women in my age group that I'm working on friendships with. How? Well, instead of joining American clubs and spending lots of time taking fika or party evenings with other Americans, I followed a lot of my own natural interests, which put me into contact with mostly Swedes. I'm passionate about pelargoniums (geraniums to some). I joined the Swedish Pelargonium Society. Through this interest, I got to meet Mimmi, who is a member on this site, and she and I just recently met in Stockholm, along with Sabeine and Annie, for fika. Mimmi's 100% Swede, a delightful person, and we've been communicating with her almost totally writing me in Swedish and me replying mostly in English so far, but a blend of Swedish and English.

I am becoming a member of the Cairn Terrier Club in town, since we're buying a puppy. I have been negotiating the purchase of the puppy, all in Swedish, since the breeders don't understand English, and we visited them the other day and had a wonderful fika, all in Swedish, and they expressed a hope that both Anders and I would continue to visit them and keep in touch. I chatted away in my Swedish, learning more and more words too about puppies and care and their farm. The woman is my age as well. She's going to give me her carrot cake recipe even.

This fall, I'm going to also become involved with a study circle on folk costume. Contents of the circle? Probably about 99 percent Swedish.

well, this is getting pretty lengthy. What I was trying to say is that there's a place out there for everybody, and I think those of us on this site, Positively Sweden, are just looking at things from a different angle, and depending on individual circumstances, sometimes one site meets a need for some people that another one doesn't.

[lizardek]

I tend to go up and down with Amerikanska. The negativity over there is unreal. However, I still once in awhile, find excellent information that I can use on the newsletter I produce for the AWC...that's mainly what keeps me coming back to check it out, even if I don't post much and don't read much. I NEVER look at the ES forum, it's just a waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

[Sabeine]

Yes I agree with the good information part, it is helpful.

I mainly had a post in mind where one wrote "Sweden sucks, get me out of here", and I was thinking I sure hope that Swedes aren't reading that. If the situation was reversed where a Swede in the US was ripping on the States, I think most of those people would tell the Swedish person to jump off a bridge. It just seems terribly one sided.

[Carolyn]

Well, as they keep saying, "this is a forum for people who need to get things out of their system" and I guess they do. And yes, Swedes DO read that forum and we've ended up with a few of them here, because when they tried to offer an explanation, they were royally slammed elsewhere!

What kind of bothers me is when you are saying things like "Sweden sucks, Swedes are cold, I hate this culture", does anybody stop for a minute and think that it is this country and this culture that formed the personality of the one you are in love with? That by slamming a country and culture, you are indirectly slamming the one you supposedly love?

Yes, I do understand that with a lot of people, it's a momentary frustration and it can be good and very helpful to get it off your chest. What I don't understand is that so many people there NEVER have a good thing to say about this country and one has to wonder where their relationship(s) are heading as well.

[JerseyGirl]

You are not alone, Sabeine.

I do find myslef at that site every once in a while and just continually shake my head when I'm there.

There is one post there about a woman who has recently asked to be removed from 'kanska, and other members can't see what her problem is. Their suggestion is to sit back, get over it, and come back. But I totally get her deal. It's why I left there too. Not being able to start a simple thread without being slammed about SOMETHING, no matter what the topic is. People are just plain mean over there.

I understand that it's a place where people "let out their frustrations," but you know, we have a place for that on this forum too, yet we're still "positivly sweden." I personally think they go too far over there.

the sad thing is - look at the membership and posting. Poeple seem to love that kind of stuff.

I consider it a toxic environment. I'm happy I found that site AFTER I moved to Sweden, and not before. Otherwise I may not have come - never knowing how much I would have loved it here otherwise.

Don't worry, Carolyn, about feeling smug. I feel like a lot of people over ont eh other site feel like everything in life should be handed to them and work perfectly for them, no matter where they go. Consider yourself above that

[Sandy]

There are some people that do care about "the other site" and try to keep it on an even keel.

[Carolyn]

Yes, you sure do, Sandy!

[Beverly]

I agree that things get out of hand sometimes, but I don't think it's that bad overall (although I am glad not to be moderating ES anymore). I think the biggest "problem" for me is the boredom factor -- after four years there it can get old to read the same old things again and again and again. These days I mostly stick to topics that look as though they might be interesting to me (and to "my" brand-new forum, of course! ;D).

[Cake Guru]

I'm not a member anymore and don't miss it at all. Kudos to the mods over there who are forced to act more like dagisfröknar than moderators.